


More Than Ever

by Sasa_Q



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Garak and Damar have both dealt with addiction why not write this, I figured what the heck, This is saved as 'Garak and Damar talk about feelings' if that tells you anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasa_Q/pseuds/Sasa_Q
Summary: Damar and Garak talk about Damar's drinking problem.
Relationships: Damar & Elim Garak
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	More Than Ever

Garak had been standing watch at the stairs to the cellar for hours. He was growing tired, but knew that he would never be able to fall asleep properly. He was having a horrible time sleeping in the cellar. There were too many memories here in this house. Seeing his mother made them all come right back. His thoughts raced too much for him to fall asleep. He wished Julian were there with a hypo of sleeping medication.

"Garak?" came a voice. Garak turned. It was Damar, standing beside him.

"What is it?" Garak asked.

"I don't know," Damar said. "I just wanted to hear someone else's voice. I feel like I'm losing my mind in this cellar."

"You're not the only one," Garak said.

"I... I could use someone to talk to. If you don't mind," he added, his voice gruff. "I figure you're awake already, so I might as well..."

"It's not like I'm trying to sleep," said Garak. "Go ahead."

Damar did a long exhale. "It's about my... my problem," he said.

Garak knew what problem Damar was talking about. It had become an immediate issue as soon as Garak joined the Cardassian Liberation Front. It was Damar's drinking that was the problem. He was used to being the leader of the Cardassian Union, and getting the finest kanar whenever he wanted it. He wasn't used to the life of a revolutionary, when you rarely got alcohol, much less the good stuff. It had been exceedingly difficult to work with Damar at first. He was clearly going through a period of withdrawal.

To Damar's credit, he tried his best not to let it affect his work. But Garak prided himself on his good observation skills. And when you were in a business like Garak's, you got good at telling if someone was suffering.

"Is it still bothering you?" Garak asked.

"More than ever," Damar said. "It's times like this when I could use a good bottle of kanar. Hell, maybe a couple bottles. My head hurts. I can't stop thinking about it. The feeling when it slides down your throat, the texture, the taste. Most of all, the buzz that I got from drinking it. And how, eventually, I just drank to feel something at all. I just can't get it out of my head."

"I know how difficult it must be," said Garak.

"You can't possibly understand," Damar scoffed.

Garak bristled, and nearly said something rude, but he held himself back. Clearly Damar wasn't thinking straight. "Actually, I could," he said. "You're not the only one who's ever been addicted to something."

Damar grunted. "So what's your problem?"

"A few different things," Garak said. "Back then, I abused alcohol and painkillers... but mainly something else. An Obsidian Order pleasure device I had implanted in my brain at the request of Enabran Tain."

"Your father," said Damar.

"Yes," said Garak. Somehow he was hoping Damar had forgotten when he admitted Tain was his father. "My father. It's a long story, but I eventually turned on the device and never turned it off."

"What happened?" Damar asked.

"The device began to malfunction," Garak said, remembering. "It was painful like you wouldn't believe. That's when I started drinking too much kanar and using hyposprays of painkillers. Eventually, with help, I turned off the device."

"That must have been difficult to manage," said Damar.

"You can probably relate to how I felt," said Garak. "I was in constant pain to the point of tears. I was in a state of agitation. I wanted nothing more than that beautiful feeling of pleasure I got when I turned on the implant."

"How did you manage it?" Damar asked.

"I nearly died," Garak said. "But, with the help of a... a friend, I got through it. It took a lot of work. Sometimes I wished the pain had killed me. But getting through it, to the other side, it was worth it."

"I wish I could think this was worth it," Damar said. "I just can't turn my thoughts off. I wish I could see my wife and my son. But they're dead now. And when I start thinking about them, I start wishing I had some kanar to drown away the feelings I get when I remember their faces." He shuddered. "If I were still the Cardassian representative to the Dominion, I would order my lesser officers to bring me so much kanar it would take me days to drink it. I want it so badly..." He clenched his fists. "I wish I had been killed in the attack."

"No, you don't," Garak said. "That's just what you think you feel."

"Don't tell me how I feel," Damar snapped. "I don't know why I'm even telling you any of this. It's not like it'll help anything. It's probably just making me feel worse, if anything."

"Well, you've said it now," Garak said. "You can't take it back. But, for the record, I understand. And, if it helps, I've been through this too, and I'm on the other side now. Although, Damar?"

"Yeah?" Damar said.

"Right now," Garak said, "I could really use that implant."

Damar chuckled. "I bet you could," he said. He sighed. "Sorry for snapping at you."

"It's all right," Garak said. "I understand."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed what is apparently the first (tagged) platonic Garak and Damar fic on AO3? Haha, sorry, I just found it funny when I was tagging it and there were no results for either Damar & Garak or Garak & Damar.  
> Anyway, I'd love if you commented! I hope you're having a nice day. :)


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